Back to those thrilling days of yesteryear...After all these yearsI have just realized that even all he put me and my family through, my ex-husband was the love of my life. My present husband (Joe) is always telling me....You will never find a man who loves me more than he does. He also says that I don't love him as much as he loves me. I guess that's true. That's why I have had enough of men.

We had lived in AZ about 3 years when I met Joe. I was going to nursing school to become an RN. When I met Joe my life turned another corner (maybe not for the best). Three months after I met him, I moved in with him. This is another time that I failed my children. I took them out of their known element (as if the move from IL to AZ wasn't enough!) and placed them into an unknown situation. It was the worst for Rob. He just couldn't adjust at all. Joe gave me an ulimatum....either he goes or you'll have to leave.

This after I had given up my apartment and sold all my furniture! I was so torn...Yet again my life was ruled by a man. Again I was sure if I didn't stay no one else would want me. So Rob went to live back in IL with his father. It was not a good situation I put him through. I know it was hard on Rob. I felt so much guilt. I was afraid Rob would hate me forever. I know Kris was really upset and mad at me for doing that; but, she didn't say anything or show it in any way. My Mother was so upset that any phone calls between us were short and seldom. I still regret doing that to Rob and Kris to this day. I should have stood up for all of us. After all this Joe convinced me to drop out of nursing school.....I was too sensitive and didn't need all that stress..

I realize now that it was the same old thing of letting someone else command how I lived my life! Enough self-realization for this entry.

Depression quote for the week: In a real dark night of the soul.....it is always 3 o'clock in the morning....day after day..........F. Scott Fitzgerald

Stay tuned for the exciting? episode. Peace