Dreams

"I had something to dream last night"....(The Electric Prunes, circa 196?..no really that was the name of the song and the group!)

Last night I had a dream...one of those that seem to go on and on and when you wake you awake in tears because it was such a happy dream. I'm sure you've all had them.

I have always had a "love" for "big" guys. Men who can be gentle,strong and yet when needs be can "handle" the situation. Amazingly, at least to me as I thought about it, most are usually cowboys! John Wayne (only as a cowboy figure and in his earlier days) is one Also Tom Selleck (as a cowboy). Another is one that I don't know how many of you (under 40-45) remember the show Bonanza, was Dan Blocker who played Hoss. Exactly the kind of man described above. Even though I was a "pre-teen" I was in "love" with him. I remember when he died and then they had to let him die on the show, I cried and cried...still cry as I think about it. I felt my world had ended. All this leads up to the dream.

I dreamed that I was a beautiful woman (as if!) and was on a trip of some kind and somehow got involved with Dan Blocker (you should know that I have never had a dream about him before) on this trip. No erotic scenes...just holding,comforting and a couple of kisses. I have no idea what brought on this dream as is true of most of my dreams. But it was a happy dream with the results upon waking as described above.

Maybe I am missing that comfort from my life. I am without a man in my life (as the one I have is in AZ and perfectly happy to be there) and perhaps that is what I am missing...someone to sit on the couch and hold me while we watch a movie. Someone to softly kiss me just to let me know he cares. I continue to tell my husband that I love him as if I stopped the guilt would be poured on. (It has already started because I won't go out to visit him) he chooses to believe that I am just not going because I don't love him anymore. Perhaps he is right. I probably married him out of gratitude that anyone could love me and I think gratitude is all that is left.
(I hope I'm not embarrassing anyone by these revelations.) I have always denied that I will ever be involved with another man...maybe my dreams are trying to tell me something. Something to ponder. For our quote of the night...a poem by this author.

dreams are lies...
they pretend to hold hope..
in the belief that they can
become reality
withing my live
have been many
dreams....wishes
pretence that led me to believe they were
to become true
they are all false...
dissolving like acid
turning them to vile reality
destroying well worn dreams...
no more hopes or dreams shall I
create
black cloaked reality is all
that awaits me
no hopes..no dreams...
no wishes...
only the bleak future
leading to deeper depression
with no end in sight

Peace...Stay Safe