Well people I'm back. Not for long though. Last couple of weeks have been really hard for some unknown reason. Probably me meds are losing strength as they have been before. I see my psychiatrist this week so hopefully (i don't have much!) the meds will get rearranged or whatever. They always want to know how many times I have cut since I was last there (2) and what caused them. I only know that at the end of the day, i am filled with frustration and anger at myself that if i don't cut, i may as well go for a long ride on a slow ice flow.
To explain the above: when the Eskimo's get ready to die, they go to the sea and sit on an ice berg or ice flow and just float away.
Then they ask if i still of suicide...yes, i think about it but would not perform this act. I have plenty of pills that could take me to other side. But i am undecided whether there really is anything on the otherside. I told my family that i want a Viking Funeral. It would be really cool but pretty much impossible with all the epa laws today (as if!).
I'll try next posting (hopefully not taking as long time wise) to continue the story of my life.
In the meantime....here is a thought on depression by Alice Meynell(?)
Recurrence is sure
What the mind suffered
last week
or last year...
it does not suffer now:
but it will suffer again
next week or next year
Happiness not
a matter of weeks;
it depends upon
the tides of the mind
Peace....Moonmaiden
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