Surviving the Past

Well it seems like forever since I have written anything here and what do you know it has been forever!
The first thing is ...congrats to my daughter who competed in the World Championship Ironman competition in Kona, HI. She did great and we are all proud of her. She can do everything!
I have been looking back on my past. I tend to do that a lot even though I know I shouldn't .Doing this I can see a thousand things I wish I had done differently. Regardless they are done and gone. Now I can only try to survive each day and try to do better for myself. Not to please others. It's hard to speak up for myself anyway and I suppose I will be that way all the rest of my life. I'm a person who doesn't want to rock the boat. I'd rather shut up and let things go by without expressing my feelings; then take a chance I will alienate anyone or hurt their feelings. I have to especially be careful of my mother. Don't get me wrong, she is the greatest mom a girl could have but; times when I have tried to stand up I felt her reception of my position was icy. She can cut without even realizing she has done it. I feel that I can't really express my feelings since she and my sister are basically supporting me. I can never repay them for that. It's pretty sad...a 58 year old woman being supported by her parents and sister.
My emotions are still all over the place. Even though I'm on enough medicines to put a horse into a coma, I still cry at the drop of a hat.
Well, no quote this entry so....peace..be safe....moonmaiden........Oh yeah, Happy Halloween!